Friday, March 5, 2010

A bedtime story! (Anotherother piece) (from yesterday- cuz this is yesterday)

I mean, I managed to open the tabs while it was still yesterday, which henceforth in this piece shall be referred to as 'today'.

So earlier today, TOC managed to down Ony, and carried on to roflstomp some ICC trash. This got me my 251 tanking ring, bringing me WAY over defcap.

Douglas Bower huddled in the corner of Donovan's Pub nursing his ale. Douglas, or Doug as his friends called him, was not the sort of man to be hiding in the darkest corner of a pub. He was a loud, cheerful man who everyone agreed had a great sense of humor. It was quite against his nature to be furtive in any way, yet he kept sipping at his drink and looking around the room suspiciously. Eventually, Dave Chorley, a good friend of his entered and came over to his booth. Taking sip he took one last glance at the other patrons and turned to face his friend.

“Evening Dave.”

“Evening. How's it going for you?”

“Well, the moons full and the skies are clear. A beautiful evening to stay out, I think.”

“Sorry I'm late, thanks for grabbing me an ale.”

“Dave, I've introduced you to Mr. Dupree right? He has a farm a little bit down the way from my place.”

“Robert, right? Yeah, I know the man. Have you got me out here to complain about him again?”

“Not exactly. Yesterday he came to me and told me that he had seen a flying saucer. He was concerned that it would steal his cows.”

“Right, his precious cows.”

“And then there was this article in the paper a while back a while back that got me thinking.” He dug out a scrap of paper from his pocket, unfolded it and read carefully, “'After seeing the Flying Saucer disappear I proceeded around the road to where it had come from. Upon rounding the corner, there was a perfect circle in the crops, just the size of the alien vessel that I saw.' That was Mr. Pedley of Australia talking about a sighting of his back in nineteen sixty-six.”

“What has this got to do with Mr. Dupree?”

“I think it would be a good laugh to go ahead and make one of these crop circles in his wheat field, really get him jumping at the shadows. Tonight is a great night for it. The moon is out, there aren't any clouds and Liz doesn't expect me home until late.”

“There isn't any way I can talk you out this is there? Doug, you're fifty-two and I'm almost forty-nine. We can't go out like we used to.”
“Sorry mate, you know that we're going to be doing this. I've got the stuff we need in the car.”

A half-hour later the two men were at the edges of Mr. Dupree's fields. Doug was carrying two thick, heavy metal bars and a couple pieces of rope. He waved Dave over to him and headed into the chest high rows of grain. After walking for a few minutes, Doug set down the two pieces of metal and began tying the rope onto the end of one of them.

“Dave, would you kindly see if you could ram that rod into the ground?” he asked, “Thanks mate. This is about where Robert said he saw it. He said it was about eight meters in diameter and this rod is only a meter- we'll have to do some work.”

With one rod in the ground he tied the loose end of the rope around it so that the two rods were nearly touching, the second one lying on the ground. He waved Dave over and the two of them pushed the bar around the central point. Most of the the grain popped back up so they went back around it several more times until all of the stalks were flat. Doug loosened the rope and retied it so that the horizontal bar was a meter. Again the two men dragged it around, enlarging the circle. In just under an hour they had extended the rope two more times, making a perfect circle, eight meters in diameter.

“There, that should give Robert fits in the morning,” he said, looking over to where Mr. Dupree's house loomed in the distance, “He'll probably come over first thing in the morning to rant at me. Come over earlier than usual for our golfing and see what he has to say.”

The next morning Doug took his time getting up and cleaning himself so that he was only just sitting down to breakfast when the someone knocked at the door.

“Liz, would you mind getting the door? It should be Dave, even if he is a bit early. Invite him in, I'll prepare a batch of eggs for him.”

“Would you listen to yourself. You act as though Mary doesn't ever feed him.”

“It is polite to offer food to one's guest if you yourself are eating.”

Liz had already left the dining room and gone to the door. “Hello Dave,” she called, “You're early and Doug had a late start this morning. He said he'd get you a plate of his eggs and I'll get you some tea if you'd like.”

“I'd love that. You do make quite excellent tea.”

Liz ushered Dave into the dining room just as Doug was coming back with a plate of scrambled eggs.

“Did you tell Liz?” asked Dave, “No, she'd think it was a folly, going out in the middle of the night. You tell Molly?”

“Of course not. She'd think the same thing and say a lot worse.”

The two men were in the kitchen cleaning their plates when another visitor knocked at the door.

“Doug, did you invite someone else for golf?”

“No. It is probably Robert, you know him.”

Doug quickly swiped a towel over his plate, put it down and headed to the door.

“Was wondering who it would be. Come on in Robert. Me and Dave were about to head out.”

“Oh, sorry Douglas,” said a deep, gravely voice, “Its just that I've got proof!”

“Proof? For what Robert? What are you talking about?”

“Remember that flying saucer I told you about? Well, they landed in my barely last night. There is an impression in my fields where their flying saucer was.” Robert said the last few words with almost religious respect.

Doug struggled to keep from laughing, “That sounds very interesting, but Dave and I need to leave now or we'll miss our slot on the course. I'd like to come over later to look at it.”

“Do! Do! I plan on having a inspector out to confirm my beliefs. Well, off I go.” With that, Robert turned and left a Dave and Doug to finish cleaning and leave to their golf game.

“That went well, don't you think?” asked Doug.

“It was pretty good. He's quite taken by it all. But I have some things I'd like to try sometime.”

“Next week then? After pub night?”

“Sounds excellent.”

For the next two years, nearly every Friday night the two men went out to the Dupree farm to create the crop circles. The single ship became an entire fleet, and their ability to make the crop circles leaped ahead. By the end of the two years they were able to create a twelve meter circle in under fifteen minutes and on occasion made larger ones. Using a looped wire dangled from a cap they could focus more easily and create straight lines to create more complex formations. Each time Robert showed up the next morning to talk about the Aliens and how sure he was that they were planning an invasion. Every week they met in Donovan's Pub to plot their next landing before going out into the fields.

“Doug,” began Dave, “I think we could get our circles some real media attention if we put them somewhere where lots of drivers would see them.”

Doug grinned, “I remember you trying to dissuade me when I first suggested this venture. But I like this idea- where do you think we could put them?”

“There's a good field about a half-hour on the other side Winchester. There's a low, gentle hill that faces the bypass there. It would be rather easy to see it from the road, but no one takes it during the night.”

“It'll keep us out later than usual, Liz and Molly might get upset.”

“They won't notice. They didn't notice that we've been an hour or two later than usual these past two years. Another hour shouldn't make too much of a difference.”

The next day, on the evening news there was a special on the 'Aliens of Winchester'. A series of circles had appeared in the crops grown in on a hill along the bypass. Several experts declared that it was impossible that they were man-made. Over the course of the rest of the week, the crop circles became very popular with many people driving by just to see them. With all the focus on those hills, Doug and Dave chose some other visible locations and created crop circles for those fields as well. Eventually scientists announced that they were clearly not man-made but that they were also not created by aliens, as some experts had been claiming. Small whirlwinds were the cause of such developments. Pockets of turbulence would create miniature tornadoes that would create a circle and then vanish into the changing air currents.

No matter how much evidence scientists brought in to support their theories, the extremists who claimed that it was extraterrestrial life were more exuberant and consequently more popular. After another decade of making the crop circles, Doug and Dave had spent an impressive amount of time hoaxing all of England. Even the government was interested in the crop circles and where they came from.

On another Saturday morning, Liz and Doug were eating breakfast, when Liz interrupted Doug's reading of the newspaper, “You didn't go out last night did you?”

“No, I was feeling rather under the weather and Dave is sick as well. We decided it would be best to not go out drinking.”

“Oh, and did you not miss her?”

“Sorry, who are you talking about?”

“What, you didn't think I would notice? You're gone for a few hours more than you used to and you never say anything about your trips to the Pub. Besides, you've gathered a few thousand extra miles over the past few years.”

“Sorry, are you saying that I was cheating on you? Liz, I would never do that. It is just a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding?” shrieked Liz, “explain everything to me. Now.”

Doug, faced with the wrath of his wife gave in and explained that for the past fifteen years he and Dave had been going out to make crop circles. It had at first started as a joke of Robert, but after a few years it evolved into something more. After seeing his the tools of the trade that he kept in his car, and seeing him make a quick crop circle in their backyard, Liz began to doubt him less. The next week she went with the two of them to help. Now that Liz and, by extension, Molly knew about their exploits the two men started going out on other nights, to make the events seem more random. After a couple months of working together, Liz and Molly convinced their husbands to let the press know. Doug and Dave gave an exclusive interview and showed the media how easy it was to actually create a crop circle.

The official government interest in the crop circles disappeared after the two men declared that they had been the cause of the hundreds of circles over the years, but the public masses remained interested. Some continued to believe that they were caused by natural wind patterns, some believed that they were caused by aliens and some went out to make their own crop circles.

Two weeks later, on a Friday night, Doug was in his backyard reading an article on the creation of crop circles., when a slight whirring sound distracted him. He put down the paper and looked up to see a silver disc slowly approaching his lawn. It matched Robert's description of the alien craft he had seen fifteen years ago exactly. Settling into the ground, a ramp protruded and a door slid open. Three short grey aliens, thin and gangly with bulbous heads exited. All of them looked very excited, as though they were about to talk to a celebrity, or the Queen.

“Douglas Bower?” the first one asked.

“Yeah, that would be me,” he replied, cowed by their presence, “what do you want?”

“We just wanted to know, we're very confused, but- what do these 'crop circles' mean?”

Apologies for the weird background. Go copy-pasting....
As an additional note, I can never remember how I posted it last time.

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